Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
