I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
