I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
