Define "chronic" masturbator.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
