sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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