the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
