Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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