I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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