did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
