I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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