i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
