The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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