Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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