smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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