you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
