Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
