Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
