YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How does it feel to date your dad?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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