That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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