guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
