I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
