i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you will always have a special place in my vag
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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