the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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