I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
