i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
