We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
