I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
