i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
