No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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