I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
