it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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