office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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