he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
