We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
