How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
