I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
