Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
