The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
