meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
