Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
