Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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