i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
