the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
