Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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