woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
