At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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