Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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