Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
