I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i believe in u and ur pee
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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