you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
