i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize