had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
