hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
