now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Someone shit on the floor
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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