He uses pillows to masturbate.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
