jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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