Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize