Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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