found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
