Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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