mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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