Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
