Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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