Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
