bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I will pee on everything he values.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
