Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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